Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Relationships...

With the New Year looming upon us I thought it would be a great time to reflect on the relationships that I have with everyone in my life and evaluate them. I really think it is healthy for people to take a step back from time to time and do this. Afterall, relationships are ever evolving just like the people that are in them.

So here is the summary (not sure how long this is going to be so hang in there):

Signifanct Other: I really need to work on this one. 2009 will be a very interesting year for us because there is something that has been looming over us the past 2 years and the resolution will come in '09. It may wind up that we go on our merry way and live the life that we lead now or it may give us some things that we will really have to pull together and fight to get through. Please cross your fingers for that situation that we will have to deal with. It is a situation we have no control over which really sucks. So hopefully that will help everything else that I need to work on in that relationship.

My Best Friend: I have known this woman for 10 years and I am a better person for it. The only thing that needs to happen in this relationship is that we need to see one another more often. I see her about once every other month. That needs to change because I truly enjoy the time I spend with her.

My Officer Friend: I truly believe this may be the time to let him go and lead his own life. I am not saying that I am going to cut off contact with him entirely, I am just going to be the one that stops saying hello first.

My FB Friend: This is an amazing person with a lot of great things to offer. I have to rebuild this relationship in my life because it went way out of control in 2008. Things have to start at square one and move slowly as we both know each other's boundaries now.

My WED Friend: Another amazing person and I hope this friendship continues to blossom. She has a lot of potential and I hope she realizes that. I am hoping maybe in the nest couple of years that we are able to take a weekend roadtrip or something.

My EXS Friend: I wouldn't call this person a friend. I would call this person a person that keeps tabs on me through outlets. I every once in awhile come across her and I am nice and polite and sometimes engage her in conversation just from pure bordeom or curiosity. I am going to stop doing that and let this person move on with their life and I do hope it is the life that they want to lead.

My Brother: Although he is my brother and I love him I truly feel that our relationship is more than strained at this point. I have made the decision to give him more than enough time to figure out the things he needs to figure out in life and be able to step up to the plate without me telling him that it is time for it to be done.

My Mom: This person is the most amazing person in my life. But I need to learn to be more patient with her. She has had a hard life but has given me everything that she possibly could, which turned out to be WAY more than enough. Patience is the key with this one because one of these days she isn't going to be around anymore.

I do have a goal for the New Year though, I do want to make at least one new friend. I think it is always great to keep expanding the social circle and meeting new people. That way you not only learn about them, I believe you also learn more about yourself.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Math Question

A Backhoe weighing 8 tons is on top of a flatbed trailer and heading east on Interstate 70 near Hays, Kansas.

The extended shovel arm is made of hardened refined steel and the approaching overpass is made of commercial-grade concrete, reinforced with 1 1/2 inch steel rebar spaced at 6 inch intervals in a criss-cross pattern layered at 1 foot vertical spacing..

Solve: When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast do you have to be going to slice the bridge in half?? (Assume no effect for headwind and no braking by the driver...)

Extra Credit: Solve for the time and distance required for the entire rig to come to a complete stop after hitting the overpass at the speed calculated above?

Yes, you can neglect friction.







I couldn't solve it either......but who cares; the pictures are great!

How Was Your Christmas and New Year's Resoultions

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

Mine was too good almost. After the mayhem of gifts I looked around and it truly hit him how blessed we are.

It also dawned on my significant other and I that we don't need stuff for a long while! And so our New Year's Resoultion was born. If we don't need it, we don't get it. Sure, I may like a nice sweater, but trust me, I don't need it.

I think that will be a great resolution for us in this economy that we are facing today. Plus, I am kind of excited to see how much money we actually save!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Christmas & Family

Being in a relationship Christmas can be a touchy subject for some. Where are you going to spend the day at?


My significant other's entire extended family get together on Christmas Eve. I thought that was perfect because that would leave Christmas open to my family because hell, we are spending Christmas Eve with you. Boy was I ever wrong. My significant other's mother about threw a fit when we even suggested that. She went on and on about hoow she would like to have just "her" family for Christmas. When we suggested that we come up a few hours early before everyone went over for the big family gathering that just wouldn't due at all since she and her husband go to church. I do believe God will forgive for spending Christmas Eve with your family instead of in church. Afterall, he did forgive you for having a child out of wedlock and your husband for getting a divorce! But no just couldn't have that. So she suggested to my significant other that we do Christmas Eve with the extended family and stay over at their house and do Christmas morning there. Fine, whatever, I was just tired of the situation.


So there we are at my significant other's parent's house on the blow up mattress in their basement (thankfully it was finished) when my significant other's younger sister comes in at 1am drunk as a skunk with her boyfriend and she starts bouncing up and down on the air mattress (of course her and her boyfriend get the bed upstairs, but that is another story all together). We finally get them to leave us alone and wake up three hours later with our asses on he floor because the air mattress has popped!!! Go figure, she just popped our $150 air mattress! Can you hear the love through the monitor yet? :)


So here it is...Christmas morning. We get up at 9am and have to wake everyone else up to get this show on the road because we want to leave by 10:30 because we still have to make Christmas "lunch" for my family. So right around 10am everything is opened, etc. and we are told we need to get going so they can get redy to go over to my significant other's grandfather's house!!! Excuse me but WTF! You throw a fit that you HAVE to have "your" family for their own Christmas and now you are kicking us out an hour after we wake up. Yes, it did work out in my favor but that is just insane.


So this Christmas the line has been drawn, we are not doing that anymore. Instead my significant other's parent's Christmas will be the weekend before Christmas, their extended family thing on Christmas Eve (which I am opting out of going and that is another story all in itself) and than our Christmas on Christmas!


So, how do you spilt up your holiday season if you are in a relationship???

Monday, November 24, 2008

I Just Joined

the group I Take My Camera Everywhere within the 20Something Bloggers forum. I think I am going to have to start posting some pictures to my blog on places where I take my camera. I think it will be fun for my readers to see where I go and what I do, but no worrise, I won't give too much about me.

100 Things About Me Part 3

Here is your second installment.

  • I am still in mourning over the loss of my beloved dog.
  • I never knew that a dog would have this much effect on my life.
  • I am giving donations at the holiday in memory of my dog.
  • I don't feel secure in my present job.
  • I have never gotten over my first love.
  • I don't think my brother and I will ever get along like my mom wants us to.
  • I think my family will fall apart once my mom passes.
  • I am buying a pre-lit mini Christmas tree to put on my dog's grave this year.
  • I am scared that with the economy, our house may get broken into while we are on vacation this year.
  • I am kind of sad that this year will be the last year that my mom gives me a big Christmas, but totally understand why.
  • I will hopefully start on my back piece (tattoo) by the end of next year.
  • My mom talked me into getting a back piece instead of the oroginal large tattoo I wanted (granted it was large but no back piece).
  • That will make 8 tattoos.
  • I am a mere 16 pounds away from my goal weight!
  • I took out a HUGE life insurance policy significant other.
  • I am tired trying to save money while my significant other refuses to balance a check book!
  • I love pop music.
  • I plan on canceling my gym membership.
  • I would be living in Hawaii right now if I didn't have a mortgage here.
  • People think I am harsh, but in reality they have no idea.
  • I am planning a trip for my significant other's birthday so we don't have to travel to see s.o.'s parents.
  • I don't think my significant other treats their dog right.
  • I have acne and actually go to a dermatologist for it.
  • After a year of acne treatment that has failed, I just wish they would put me on Accutane.
  • I daydream a lot!!!!!

Fall In Love For All The Right Reasons

With all of my dilemmas in my love life I am somewhat grateful that I am not in the situation of a dear friend of mine. But I also somewhat envy her as well.

My friend is in her late 20s – early 30s and is single. She is an amazing person but has never been able to find a person worth having a standing relationship with. She is very smart, has a career that she is doing more with everyday, owns her own house and drives a car that is fully paid off. Not to mention that she is pretty, fun, witty, soulful and just has a good soul.

The men she has been attracted to are clearly not the men for her. They are either idiots that can’t realize what they have in front of them, morons that just want to sleep with every woman in the city or just plain being stupid.

So after a long conversation from what stemmed from a man that she had a crush on finally introduced her to his “exclusive” girlfriend (this man told my friend that he never dated women exclusively). She was thinking of trying Match.com or the Yahoo personals one more time. I suggested eHarmony. For some reason I am drawn to how they pair people up. It is much more than just a picture. Trust me, I have dated a few men off of Match.com and has some great dates and had some awful dates because that person and I had nothing in common with one another. A lot of awkward pauses, uncomfortable dinners and of course no second date.

I was always wondering why I went to such a place as Match.com. Why choose a man based solely on his looks? It is somewhat comical though now that I look back on it. There was always those guys that showed up that really didn’t look like their picture (the date was pretty much over for me right than and there as I consider that false advertising). There were the ones that I formed friendships with instead of relationships but than wanted to be “fuck buddies”. Ummm, no, that is why you are a friend, because I don’t want to sleep with you because sleeping with you would complicate things. Than there are the ones that you date. Your go out and have a great time with and than one day just realize that something isn’t right or it isn’t going to work out for some reason.

I had two of those from Match.com. I ended one and the guy ended the other. The one I ended, he was the perfect Southern gentleman. He was originally from Memphis, went to school in Florida, his mom owned a horse farm in Kentucky and he was a senior engineer at a very reputable company. What went wrong? He would talk to me, about me, in the third person and after a mere 6 weeks of dating he told me he loved me. I couldn’t deal with that with coming off a 3 year relationship just a couple months earlier. I was out there to get my feet wet and get back into the game, not have the first guy I really dated afterwards fall in love with me. My second one was WOW! That is the best word that I can figure out to describe him. Very handsome, metro sexual, loved to have a great time, was always the life of the party, dressed well, was an athlete. The thing that damn near made my heart jump out of my chest one day is when he locked us out of his condo and he figured out that his sliding glass door was unlocked. I asked him how the hell we were going to get up there because it was on the second floor. He took two steps (not running) jumped, grabbed the balcony with one hand and pulled himself up. Yep, do anything to me after I saw that! Turns out that he wanted a trophy wife and I had too many opinions about everything for that to work out.

So before I get too off the subject, I guided my friend to eHarmony. She told me that the commercials always freaked her out but I talked her into trying it anyway. After all, this isn’t based on looks but things that you both have in common and you will find things to talk about. I think that was the thing that sealed the deal because this woman loves great conversation.

After signing up and going through everything that she had to go through, she already has 5 people who want to further communicate with her! I am so excited for her. Hopefully she will meet these people and really start expanding her circle. Isn’t that is what it is all about?

So in a way, I wouldn’t want to have to be out back on the dating scene again. Honestly, I was never that good at it and I let my emotions control me. I had given up on dating and was very comfortable with being single for a long time when I met my significant other. But I do envy her as well. The excitement of meeting new people and finding out what you have in common with them and on that very special occasion having a spark between the two of you, even if it is just temporary. Because in life, isn’t everything?

Friday, November 21, 2008

? Hot or Not?

Here is one for everyone because I truly believe everyone does have an opinion on this lady.

BRITNEY SPEARS

As she became a woman, she had a total breakdown and I think it all started with K-Fed. Personally, I think if she would have stuck with Justin Timberlake, they could have ruled the world.

So did she go too far off the deep in to say that she is hot because we all know how crazy she can really be or is she truly making a come back?





Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Growing Up In A Family Without A Family?

So many people have done this. They grow up in a family without an actual family. Are you confused on what I speak of, than you are one of the lucky ones. If you know exactly what I mean, than you are like me.

I grew up in a family. I have two older brothers, one older sister, a mom and a dad. My siblings are much older than myself so there was no true bond like some have. Don’t get me wrong, they loved me but something was just lacking, and honestly, it has only gotten worse since I have gotten older.

My mother and I are super close. I am very thankful for that. She is my rock that is able to guide me through life in the direction that I want to go. I have always had her support with no matter what I do. I consider her a mother first of all and also my best friend. I have to say I am very lucky with that.

My father was sick as I was growing up. I don’t remember much of him but I am told I was his little girl and that he adored me. What I do remember of him, I do believe that statement is true.

Now you maybe asking yourself, why does she feel like she doesn’t have a family because she clearly has stated that she does have one. If you read closely, the only thing I have stated is that I am close to my mother.

My siblings and I rarely speak. I chose a very different life than they did and I truly feel that they are jealous with that I have done with my life and what I have seen in my life. Does that seem silly, maybe. I have one brother who is on his fourth marriage and has basically nothing to show for his life (yes, I am speaking of material things). I find him to be very selfish and it is all about him all the time. I have seen him suck my mother dry of a lot of money and for that I resent him for it. A lot of things bother me about him simply because he has no respect for anything but himself. My other brother is very close to being institutionalized. Honestly, I think he would prefer to be. I am told that something was “different” about him from the beginning and that he couldn’t help it. I know he could have helped himself by not falling into heavy drugs as bad as he did and now just hardly having he will to get out of bed in the morning. He has been given the world and in my personal opinion has pissed it away. Sure, he may be bi-polar or a manic depressive but there are other people in the world that are able to cope and function while suffering from those. It is just that they want to be helped and want to make a contribution towards making something out of their life. And than there is my sister. She isn’t even worth discussing. Let’s just say that she did a lot of wrong things while my father was dying and took a lot of money from my mom and dad in that time and that is just that. Honestly, if I never talked to her again, I would be 100% happy.

After my mother passes away, my “family” is going to fall apart. I highly doubt that I will talk to my brothers and I know I won’t talk to my sister. There is nothing left. I am wondering if we are too different to be family. My mother tells me that she raised me differently that she raised the others. She recently told me she expected too much from my brothers and the fell way short and must not have expected enough of me because I shot way past what she thought I would.

It is a very weird feeling to grow up in a family that you know there is only one thing half ass holding it together and once that is gone, there will be nothing. I am not sure how I feel about that. Some days I am relieved on others I know I missed out by not having the family that so many others have.

But I do know one thing, I don’t think I am the only person out there with this dilemma.

Monday, November 17, 2008

What If...

I have not been a good blogger lately and I promise that will change, although I will still manage to take off the weekends.

Lately I have been thinking about the one I loved and lost. I know what a horrible thing to sit and dwell on. They are gone, you have moved on and that is that. But in reality is that, that?

I often find myself wondering what would have been. Who I would I be if things would have gone differently. What if I would have made the decision to move to another country leaving behind everything I have ever known at a young age?

I look back on the situation and wish I could do it all over again. I never wanted to be a person to look back on my life and say “what if”, but I am not even in my 30’s and I am having a HUGE what if.

What if I would have become an Officer’s spouse before the age of 21? So many people would have said it would have never worked. But I think they are so wrong simply because the flame that still burns within my heart for the Officer.

Was I attracted to his uniform like so many other “girls” that age? The answer to that question is HELL NO! I know what comes along with that uniform, especially one that is in Special Forces. A lot of moving, a lot of them not being there and a lot of worrying if they have made it through the nite in a war torn country. Even without me having my Officer, I have had two of the three emotions since we have parted ways romantically. That is for a total of 10 years that has to account for something doesn’t it?

With all of this being said, I am sure some of you will question what about my significant other. What about that person? Will I ever love that person like I have loved the one I speak of above, I HIGHLY doubt it. I knew that a long time ago, I am just now able to admit it. Does that mean I don’t love my significant other? No, I do love that person, just not in a love of my life kind of love. Is that heartbreaking? To you, possibly…to me it is life.

Does this mean that I am denying my significant other the love of their life? Now that is the real question. I think I maybe that person and it is sad that I can’t give it back to that person and love them with the passion that I have loved before, but what is one to truly do about that situation? Do I deny my feelings that I have for the Officer and push them deep down inside of me only to make me resent my significant other? It is a topic to tread lightly on.

The few “what ifs” I have covered here in this blog doesn’t even begin to start my “what ifs” on this topic. It very much makes me sad knowing that I gave up something that I feel so strongly about.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Hope to Have Your Thoughts...

It is a sign of the times. My signifanct other came home the other day and they had been laid off from thier job! Eeeekkkkk.

Fears starting rolling through my head in regards to the bills, the mortgage, our vacation that is coming up very soon. All I can say is thank goodness for unemployment.

It is a very scary time to have half of a double income family laid off. We are lucky though, that I have a secure (for it seems to be at the moment) job.

We are hoping that a job will come along by mid next month. Until than it is minimum payments on the credit cards, shopping at discount grocery stores such as Aldis and really thinking about a purchase before making it.

Ugh...thank you Mr. President....you can kiss my ass!!!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Hot or Not

That is right, this week's ?Hot or Not? is for the fellas out there and of course the women that are confident enough to say if another woman is hot.

So what do you think about the rocker P!nk??



















With her amazing abs and rocker image, do you find her hot or would you rather see her soften her image up a bit??











































She has made a name for herself with her in your face lyrics and attitude and suffering from the pending divorce from her husband Corey Hart she isn't letting up on what has worked for her before, being just as in your face as she has always been.

For me she is a 8. She is an very unconventional hot. She has a body built like a brick shit house and even more respect because she works her butt off to keep it that way.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Have You Touched A Stranger's Life Today??

Thanks to this blog I had a total stranger reach out to me in a time of need. I have to say that I was not expecting that in the least bit when I started this blog.

In the past two months I have had two strangers go out of thier way for me. One was to compliment me and the other was to give a shoulder to lean on in a time of need. What a lucky person I am.

I can say that usually when a stranger meets my eye or looks at mein passing, I smile or say hello. I believe it is the polite thing to do, as we are all people and need to be acknowledged.

One of the many reasons that I fell in love with New York City is because of a stranger. I was sitting at a pizza resturant on the east side of Manhattan. It was the kind where the store front is fully open and any Midwest family has a garage three times it size. I was waiting on a few friends and my signifanct other at the time. A stranger walked past me (as do millions each day in that city) and turns right around in his tracks, comes over to me and says "You are way too beautiful not to have a smile on your face." Of course, that made me smile right away and he just turned and walked away from me before I could say anything. Not only did that person make my day, it has stuck with me for years.

So, what have you done for a stanger today?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Watch As History Is Made

There is no way to peace; peace is the way

Lately I have been battling a few thing with myself and I am a huge one on having peace within my life. Just to bring it back around to me, I thought I would post some of my favorite quotes by some amazing people. Take it for what it is and maybe, just maybe, you will find your peace today within.

There is no way to peace; peace is the way. ~ A.J. Muste

I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with. ~ Jack Handey

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children. ~ Jimmy Carter

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies. ~ Moshe Dayan

The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Peace does not rest in the charters and covenants alone. It lies in the hearts and minds of all people. So let us not rest all our hopes on parchment and on paper, let us strive to build peace, a desire for peace, a willingness to work for peace in the hearts and minds of all of our people. I believe that we can. I believe the problems of human destiny are not beyond the reach of human beings. ~ John F. Kennedy

Peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. It demands greater heroism than war. It demands greater fidelity to the truth and a much more perfect purity of conscience. ~ Thomas Merton

Peace is not merely an absence of war. It is also a state of mind. Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people. ~ Jawaharlal Nehru

It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Until he extends the circle of compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace. ~ Albert Schweitzer

Let this be on your mind, not only today (election day) but everyday that you awake to find ourself living the life that you choose to live. Has any of these quotes struck a chord with you?

All we are saying is give peace a chance. ~ John Lennon

Monday, November 3, 2008

Closure....

I picked out the memorial stone of my beloved dog that passed away a little over a week ago. Now all I have to do is find a picture to get lasered engraved onto it.

My mother first couldn't wrap her head around why I needed this for my dog. I told her that in his last month of his life I spend more on vet visits, x-rays and meds for him than what this stone will cost me and that I gave him the best in life, so why not give him the best in death. She than understood. This was my last gift and duty to my dog that I had for 7 years.

My mom is an amazing writer (I have no idea why that trait skipped me) and she helped and gave me the best closure that I could ask for. She wrote a poem to be engraved on his memorial stone.

The sun just doesn't seem to shine so bright. We have no little dog to kiss goodnight. A big chunk of our heart is gone, I know that we will carry on. God gave you to us for awhile, thoughts of you will always make us smile. Your body is no longer here, we can feel your sprit near. The thoughts of you always bring us joy. You are our little puppy boy.

Corny to some but it sums it up perfectly for me.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Hot Or Not

So I am a huge fan of Dave Matthews Band! So this Hot or NO=t post is for him.

Do you think Dave Matthews is hot or not?!?



We are not talking sexy here because any man that can right the love songs that he does and sing them with the fire that is resting deep within that soul of his is 2000% sexy.

We are talking hot. If you saw that man in a bar would you hit on him?

The answer for me is yes. He is what I consider to be a good looking man. Tall, dark an very handsome. His face has a lot of character and I like that. He looks like he could tell a great story and is very approachable all at the same time.

So, yes, for me the man is HOT!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The First Step On My Journey

So if you have been following my blog you understand that I am trying to better myself as a human being. I am trying to be the person that my dog saw me as and I tell you what, that is A LOT to live up to.

Last nite I was told some information that I would normally be emailing someone right now about. But I thought to myself that I shouldn't. Instead I sat and thought about those people that are on the other side of the situation and I kind of felt sorry for them.

They have nothing better to do than gossip and no courage to come out and ask the person that they are gossiping or curious about. It is truly a shame that a person can go through life with very little backbone.

I will not extend my sympathy to them though because they have simply gone over the line one too many time. These are people that I removed from my life a long time ago because they simply sucked the energy out of the situation when they were around. And honestly, who wants to be around people like that??

I know they don't like me, not because of who I am, it is because of who they are not. I just simply won't put up with everything that everyone else puts up with and they don't like it. If that is the simple problem that one has with me, than so be it.

But I refused to email a friend to let her know the tiny tid bit of information that I got. That is a small step in the right direction and every journey begins with that one step.

Progress has been made today.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It Is The Little Things

Since my beloved dog has passed away, I have noticed it is the little things that really get me the most. And I think that is fitting since he was such a little guy. 7 pounds full grown.

I know I will never be able to get over him leaving me and I know I will never ever have another dog like him. I know that I was blessed to have him for the 7 years that I did have him bring so much into my life.

I won't lie, the past few days have been pretty hard. My heart hangs heavy and I know I can cry at the drop of a hat (I am fighting back tears as I type this).

I know that the holidays will be tough because he loved Christmas! How can a dog love Christmas you may ask? He had his own stocking and got his own presents. He loved to tear into the packages to see what he got. He was like a little kid. His favorite gift, which he got every year, was dingo bones.

I told someone that I felt cheated and they told me that I was being selfish because they thought my dog was cheated, seeing as this breed has a life span of 11-15 years.

I know I am being selfish but it is because I miss him so much. It hurts so bad and I am sure the pain will subside with time and the tears with stop flowing, but I am not sure if that can come soon enough. I know I am depressed and I hate being depressed. I go through the day with no true happiness, no smiles, just going through the motions.

Next week I have to pick out his memorial stone/grave marker to place where we buried my precious boy. Some may think it is insane to do that, but I made sure this dog had the best I could give him in life and I truly think he deserves that in death as well.



Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Vote For Change!

I would like to share a story that a close friend of mine shared with me:

Six hundred fifteen (615) days ago, I made a personal commitment to Senator Barack Obama to endorse his candidacy for President of the United States and to lead the my state's effort on the National Finance Committee as an official “agent” of the campaign. I did so in person in a one-on-one meeting with the Senator.

Previously, I had met Barack on a few occasions and seen him in action from the audience (or even on TV) several times. Senator Obama came to St Louis for a rally and a large luncheon to elect Claire McCaskill as one of Missouri’s senators. At the time, I had lunch with Barack and saw him inspire the crowds with his unique rallying message and his quiet strength. Sometimes, but rarely, a person appears at the right time and the right place to transform ordinary people into thinkers and doers who can accomplish more than they ever thought they could. That truly is the definition of inspiration. Barack Obama has this quality. I have witnessed it personally many times. But that’s not enough....

Leadership and brightness matter. The current President’s policies and actions make us painfully aware of just how much they matter. Our current administration will arguably go down in history as one of the worst ever -- a team of people who have been proven incompetent in almost every department. Cronyism, favoritism and lack of preparation (over 800 presidential appointments were unmade or in limbo on 9/11/2001) resulted in terrible responses to a host of critical issues our country faced. The President has isolated us from our international allies, destroyed our country’s world wide standing, delivered us into a crazy and expensive (and unjustified) war, tipped the wing of his airplane over the worst domestic disaster within our own borders, and enacted a tax cut in excess of a trillion dollars for the wealthiest individuals and most profitable corporations. Worse yet, it promoted and enacted deregulation that has completely crippled the economy.

The Republican party has left the Republican party. At least it has left behind the principles by which it stood.

For almost two years I have worked tirelessly for the Campaign for Change, “Obama for America.” I have traveled and spent time with the Senator in Washington DC, Chicago, Des Moines, Kansas City, Springfield, Cape Girardeau, Rolla, Union and Denver and been his host for all of his trips to St Louis. This has given me that rare inside look at the strategy of the campaign. I have observed economic and foreign policy summits with top advisors, attended the debates, and campaigned door to door in the freezing cold in Iowa. My responsibility in the process has been to introduce the Senator to new people and donors, act as a clearing house for my state's communication, Chair of my state's Finance Committee and temporarily the North Carolina Finance Committee, host surrogate events with local politicians, Secretary Madeline Albright, Warren Buffet, Hillary Clinton, Senator Joe Biden and others, and to create an always available refuge in my own home for weary Obama staff and volunteers from all over the country.

During my time with the campaign, I have seen Barack Obama consistently meet every challenge. Ideas and promises have become actual policies and clear messages for hope and change. My candidate has been cool, collected and “presidential”. He has carefully selected and added to the team the best and brightest, as I do in my own life and business. It is clear that this process will continue and our leader will select a world-class team of people to administrate, manage and carry out service to the public. The more I observe Senator Obama, the more confident I am that my early hopes will be realized.

In great contrast, I have seen the Republican candidate drift completely away from the policies, comments and maverick behavior that had earlier gained my tremendous respect. He has surrounded himself with the same dispirited, confused, and unqualified campaign managers, advisors, and supporters that helped put the country in the mess it is in. In particular, we watched with a bizarre sense of confusion as a misguided candidate or judgment-impaired advisors chose a completely unqualified vice presidential running mate.

If there is anyone in America that thinks things are going well and wants to stick with the same type of management as the last eight years, the Republican ticket is your ticket.

There has been much confusion and negative comments about Senator Obama’s proposed tax structure and economic plan. Having personally met with his staff and economic advisors (including Warren Buffet) and having actually read all the available information online at www.barackobama.com. I am convinced that a progressive tax code, reversing the Bush trillion dollar tax cuts, and delivering true tax cuts to all those American businesses and people who make less than $250,000 per year, is fair and equitable and will help, not hinder, the kind of economic activity we need for change.

Senator Obama can and will restore our reputation around the world. He will strengthen our alliances in Europe, the Mideast, Asia and beyond. Obama has been thoughtful, clear and shown great judgment since his early opposition to the war in Iraq to his concern about leaving the battlefront in Afghanistan and weakening the true fight against terrorism by mismanaging our resources and diluting our capability to respond to a very dangerous Al-Qaeda.

For years and years, I have been concerned and baffled as our leaders have frequently shrunk from real diplomacy and hands-on involvement and ignored the complicated solutions necessary to ease tension in critical regions around the world. That is why I am excited about a candidate and political leader willing to go face to face, under the correct conditions, to try to achieve objectives that have been shattered and to lessen the true risks for the United States.

On issues basic to the very core values on which our country was founded --- the Supreme Court, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Justice System (which is all headed in a disastrous direction) – I believe that Senator Obama can help set our country back on the right path. On a host of other critical issues such as access to healthcare, infrastructure investment, environmental issues, and energy policy, it is my view that Senator Obama is in the right place. And, we know that this is the right time!

Finally, I have complete and total confidence that just as Senator Obama has handled himself throughout his career, and especially in the toughest Democratic primary, he will continue to manage himself and his country … our country … with the calm, cool, collected and thoughtful resolve that he has displayed throughout. He has managed himself in the face of adversity, un-ending attacks on his religion, his ethics, his family, his color, his patriotism, with a cool resolve because he believes that the nation’s problems are too great to let the politics of fear and division separate the electorate from justice and the strong, decent leadership we deserve.

I am asking you for your trust and your vote on November 4th for Barack Obama for President of the United States.

Monday, October 27, 2008

I Want to Be the Person My Dog Saw Me As....

Do you ever have something that makes you look at life totally different. So much so that it makes you want to change your life drastically.

This past weekend, my beloved dog of 7 years passed away. He went peacefully in his sleep and I am greateful that he passed in a place where he knew he was safe and loved. This dog deserved that. He was with me in many transations in my life and now this transation is making the most impact on me.

Not having my beloved pet with me is very hard. My heart has actually broke and it is going to take a long time to fix it. At this point, I am not sure if I can ever have another dog again simply because I am not sure if I can ever love another animal like I loved him. He adored me and I adored him. Not only did I take care of him, but he in many ways took care of me. He was a huge part of my life and now that space is very void.

I want to be the person that my dog saw me as. I want to live up to that, not only for me but also for him. I want his memory to mold me into the person that he saw inside of me. Some think I am a "good person" but I want to be better than that. Maybe I need to show the compassion towards people that I showed towards him.

Seven years was a short life for this breed of dog. He was suppose to live twice his age, but I truly feel that he lived a complete life and possibly had more fun, love, compassion than a dog twice his age. At least that is what I hope.

He will be greatly missed and will forever be in my heart.

And for those of you that think why are you feeling this way, it was only a dog. I truly feel sorry for you simply because you have never been able to feel the unconditional love that an animal can hold for you. It is intense and humbling.

Animals never realize that they are suppose to live as long as you. I only hope I can see him on the other side when everything is done with my journey in life. Afterall, what is heaven without the animals we love??

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The EX Factor

Have you ever been in love?

If you have than you know what this next post is all about...the one you were in love with and broke your heart.

Yes, I am in one of those moods today where I need to write this. I have started this blog so many times in my head and now I just need to put it out there.

I have an ex! Who doesn't?!?! I have one that broke my heart into a million pieces. Again, who doesn't?!?! My big problem is that I can't truly 100% let go of him. In all honesty, I can't let go of him at all.

Let me give you some background on this relationship. I was young (not even old enough to drink) and he was younger than what he is now (say 26). He was amazingly handsome, I am talking WOW!!! And he had everything going for him. And let's not forget, he looks damn FINE in his military uniform...and STILL does. Think career officer in special ops here.

We met online and surprise, surprise, he was being stationed near me for a year. WOOT! Could it have gotten any better, I don't think so! So we met and there was an instant attraction. Probably because I was that young and probably because he looked that damn good in his fatigues. So we went out s friends for a bit, than started dating, than was in a relationship for awhile.

That is when it happened. What exactly happened I don't know and I am not sure if I ever will. He started distancing himself from me, very slowly at first. I am a smart woman and was a smart girl and I could tell from the second that he did it. Being the person I am, I confronted him about it. That is when it blew up in my face and the relationship was over. He wasn't ready for a serious relationship and he thought that I was. Shrug.

I did what anyother person in that situation would do. I picked up the pieces and moved on. I have had some amazing relationships with people since than and heck I am in a great relationship now.

This person and I kept in touch throughout the years. Through his deployments, the wars, his marriage and the birth of his child. I was always a friend he called. I remember one day like it was yesterday. It was mid afternoon here and he called. He was in the middle of a war zone and he was telling me how he had a horrible dream and that I was in it and he was going on telling me about it and I heard a loud BOOM and he told me he had to go because they were under attack. He called back the next day to tell me how they had been bombed and that he was sorry that I had to hear that, etc. You can only imagine how I slept that nite.

Our friendship was growing and becoming more than what I ever thought is could be in the past several years. But I guess that is easy when an ocean seperates you and you know that someone deeply does care for you and you actually know that the other person does deeply care for you. You can even say we love one another. There I said it, I love him and he tells me that he loves me. Scary huh?!?!?!?!

But since coming back to the States, we have become more distant. We are seperated now by hours and we have yet to see one another. His marriage is falling apart and has been for a couple years. He is scared to death that he may lose his child in all of it since he is career and his wife would be one of those women that would make sure that he sees his child as little as possible.

I have found myself on a roller coaster of emoitions since he has been back in the States. From being on Cloud 9 just to talk to him and know he is safe in totally pissed off knowing that our relationship was better when we had an ocean between us. He is my friend and I want to see him but with his marriage falling apart, he hardly ever comes my way anymore.

We had a nice long talk today about everything in our past and everything in our future. He wanted to know about past relationships and why they didn't work out, etc. I told him a lot, maybe too much today. He asked me if I would ever have kids and I told him exactly how I felt in regards to that. That I didn't see myself having children with anyone in my future. He was saddened by this simply because he thinks I would make a good mother. When I asked why he replied with "You have put up with me all these years". That made me smile. I have put up with him all these years and i have no idea why and am searching for the reason there.

He was my first real love. I will always love him and there will always be something between us. I gave him a lot when I was in a romantic relationship and maybe even more as we became friends over the years. I don't think I will ever get over him and I don't think that I will ever have that piece of my heart back that he carries with him every where he goes.

For some reason I can't let him go. I wonder why that is. This is one person that I can't turn my back on and walk away from. I wonder if there is a connection there that i am not suppose to understand but just let it be. I truly feel that we are drawn to one another it is just the timing will always be off for us.

He was speaking of how he wants someone that will complete him and he wonders how things between us would have been if he wouldn't have pushed me away. He than went on to say that he also feels like we would have killed one another as well. Which that statement is probably very true. We were both stubborn people, I know I have taken steps to change that, I wonder if he has.

I wonder if I will always yearn for him and what could have been?? I wonder if I will be able to let him go or if I am even suppose to let him go. How many people go through their lives wondering "what if" about someone who is always within reach, but you can never have them. Isn't that just the purest form of torture?? Or is that the purest form of love??

Will he always be in my life? I have let him go and he has come back to me. He has been set free. I am not his "home" but what am I and what will I allow myself to be?

I truly believe I will always love him and I truly believe he will always love me. Is that standing too close to the fire? Who is going to get burned??

Friday, October 17, 2008

Masks

Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face that I wear. I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks – masks that I am afraid to take off and none of them are me.

Pretending is an art that is second nature to me, but don’t be fooled. I give the impression that I ma secure, that nothing bother me, nothing gets to me, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water is calm, that I am in command and that I need no one. But don’t believe me PLEASE!!! My surface may seem smoother, but my surface is a mask, my ever changing and always concealing mask.

Underneath the mask, there is no calm, no cool, no peace. Underneath dwells the real me in confusion, fear and aloneness. But I hide that. I don’t want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed. That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind – a phony sophiscated wall to help me pretend, to protect me from that look from you, that tell me you know.

But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare. I’m afraid to. I’m afraid your look will not be followed by acceptance and love. I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, or that you’ll laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game, with a mask of assurance on the outside and a scared child on the inside.

I don’t remember when I first started wearing the masks, but I know I wear them all the time now. My life has become a parade of masks, different ones for different occasions. I will talk to you in my polite, friendly social mask of surface talk. I will tell you what you want to hear, I will tell you what I THINK I should say, but I can’t tell you what I really feel. I will tell you everything that is nothing really, but NOTHING of what is really on the inside of me. So when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I’m saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am NOT SAYING, what I would like to be able to say, what I need to say for my survival, but I can’t say. I dislike hiding honestly. I dislike the phony game I’m playing, the phone I am being. I’d like to be really genuine and open and honest and just be me. For once I would like to just be me, to be able to say what I think and feel and have someone say it’s OK to be me. But I can’t, not right now. So the mask stays on.

Who am I, you may wonder. I am someone you know very well. I AM EVERY WOMAN YOU MEET. I AM EVERY MAN YOU MEET. I AM RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU NOW.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Why Must Women???

I am not sure if anyone had even thought of this lately but I am just curious what your thougts are?

Being a member of Facebook and Myspace I find myself looking at people's pages, browsing searching for someone I know or looking through a group that I belong to, etc.

I have to admit something. I am just baffled at how many women there are online that are posting their porfile pics with them semi clothed. By semi clothes I mean in a bra and panties! Alright, go ahead and say it, how is that offensive, it looks like a bikini. I never said it was offensive, I said I was baffled!

i could understand that if you had a picture of you in a bikini and you were someplace where a bikini is to be worn (meaning pool, beach, lake, etc.) and someone took an awesome pic of you and your posted it. Hell, I have even done that. But to be in your bra and panties on a bed is a little bit tacky I will say.

Sure, I guess the guys like it but hoenstly, do you not like yourself enough to think that you have to put everything out there is the least amount of clothes possible to get the attention? Didn't your mother ever teach you to use your mind instead of your body??

Baffling for grown women to have to subject themselves to something like this to get a bit of attention from men who won't give them the slighest amount of respect.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

We Aren't Going To A TRAILER PARK!

And that is exactly why you can't tag along on my vacation!!!

It is sad, but I have a relative that married a piece of white trash. I kid you not, they have been attracted to that kind of person for as long as I can remember. They have alaways loved peope that could drink, thought they were tough, liked to get in fights, had a horrible mouth, etc.
My significant other this year talked me into doing something that I knew was going to end badly...go on a trip with this couple and a few other people. I said yes to play along and hey, you never know, they could have shocked the hell out of me.

Well, they didn't. Injuries were racked up caused by a person in the "white trash couple" Let's refer to them as WTC from here on out) not to mention a few fist fights, brought on by the white trash person and just lack of respect to the "friends" that this person brought with them. If I had a "friend" treat me the way that this person treated their "friends" I would no longer have a relationship with them.

I was personally hurt during the trip as a person from the WTC "accidentally" put me in harm's way without knowing. Well, I do believe they saw it coming they just didn't know I was going to get as hurt as I did.

Now this couple wants to go on a vacation with a group of us that go on a yearly vacation in the winter to someplace that is tropical and out of the country. Think all-inclusive, which means all your food and drinks are included. The WTC are not known for handling their liqour well. I think alcohol is one of their major problems in all honesty.

One person from the WTC brought up them going with us next year and I had to ask someone else what they thought of that idea. Just to make sure that everyone was on the same page that I was. Guess what, they were (thank goodness). So we sa down and had to figure out how to difuse the situation befire it became any bigger. So the next time that someone from the WTC brings up the topic, I am just going to have to tell them like it is. We don't want to spend out vacation with person #1 being a total ass all the time because that is what they are when they drink and person #2 having hurt feelings because of person #1's actions. Does that scream relaxing vacation to you? It doesn't to me!

I honestly feel that the WTC needs to travel by themselves before traveling with a group. They need to find their travel style, etc. I am lucky as I am a pretty relaxed traveler and a lot of people enjoy when they travel with me. It is just WTC needs to get their heads in check and lose a little bit of the white trash before traveling with people that don't like to yell, scream, fist fight, call other people that you don't know insulting names, etc.

You can take a person out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the person!!!


Monday, October 13, 2008

Why Vote For Someone Who Wants to Take My Rights Away?

Why on Earth would I go and cast a vote for McCain/Palin on November 4, 2008?
I truly feel that they would take my rights away as a woman. What rights may you be speaking of one may ask. I am speaking about my right to choose!!!

You know the great Roe vs. Wade decision that came down in 1973. Yes, I have a RIGHT to my body. I do and I will choose to use it in the manner that I want. And I don't want ANYONE taking that right from me.

What is scary about McCain/Palin is that want to rob me of that right. I feel as a woman, no matter where you lie on the topic at hand, why would you vote for people that want to take one of your RIGHTS away. Do you understand the importance of having that right on principal alone?

Now let's go onto Palin. Oh sweet, little, living in Never Never Land Palin. Palin opposes abortion for rape victims. I mean lady, are you serious. She has even stated that she would choose life even if her onw daughter was raped! Are you kidding. And let's not go onto the topic of incest because guess what, she thinks that you should have the kid even if your daddy is raping you and say you are 13, so your body is able to carry a baby.

Alright, what are they smoking in Alaska because she seriously needs to go to rehab for it. She is a woman that is supporting the taking away of a woman's right. Can you tell me what is not wrong with that?? You may not have to agree with a certain right, but at least value that it is YOUR right. That has to mean something to you doesn't it?




Saturday, October 11, 2008

100 Things About Me...Part 2

Here is your second installment.

  • I enjoy being alone, sometime I think I enjoy it too much.
  • I would like to run a marathon just so I can say I did it in my lifetime.
  • I love the ocean and everything about it.
  • I will spend thousands on my dog just so her had another happy and healhy day in his life.
  • I think the above statement is very selfish.
  • I love buying presents for people, but never tell them that I usually get them on sale.
  • I have thought about losing my expensive ring just so I could report it to insurance and get a new one.
  • I hopt to have ZERO credit card debt within a year.
  • I know the above won't happen unless I am able to hold onto my job in this very unstable economy.
  • I fear that I am not giving enough of myself to my work and that other people maybe noticing.
  • I have come to appreciate my friends so much more within the past year.
  • I have benign tumors in clusters on my body in a place few know about.
  • I wanted to be in law enforcement when I was growing up, think FBI.
  • I am not sure if I will have the strength to be he same person that I am now after my mom passes.
  • I wonder what I could have been if I would have completed college and gotten my degree.
  • I always wanted to be a south paw.
  • I have a large insurance policy on one of my loved ones because I feel they are going to die young.
  • I haven't talked to my sister in over 7 years because of how she treated my mom when my dad was dying.
  • If I have my way, I will never talk to my sister again.
  • I want to be cremated when I die.
  • I am working on letting things go because there are a lot of things in life that I can't control.
  • I wish I would have known my father better before he died, he got sick when I was very young.
  • I have chosen love over money before, it was for the love of myself.
  • The only thing that is keeping me from selling my house and traveling the world is my mom and that isn't a bad thing
  • My favorite flower is a sunflower.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Check Your Drain Lately??

Have you ever had a drain back up so bad that you had to call a plumber?

That is what happened with the women’s restroom where I work. And the following is pretty damn funny.

I work for a small company and the ladies in the office are pretty close. Let’s just face it, if you are a woman in a man’s business world, you walk in the door and you basically have a bond already because you are a certain type of woman to be a career woman.

So the sink is filled to the rim and one of the ladies thought it would be an idea to get some of the water out of the sink so we could somewhat continue using it by washing our hands after our “duties”. So she get a coffee pot and thought that she shouldn’t flush it down the toilet because she was afraid it could possibly back up as well. So where does she go with it…out the window. Mind you we are on the third story of our building with a sidewalk underneath said window! Yes, you can laugh or gasp because it is kind of funny. Could you imagine walking on the sidewalk and all of a sudden some water comes at you from the third story. Granted, no one was out there, not that she could see because there is a ledge that blocks the view of who is below, but all in all still pretty damn funny.

So we get the plumber in here to do his thing. He is working for about an hour or so and emerges from the bathroom with “Do you know what was backing up your sink…a crack pipe”. I was within ear shot of it and turned around and there he is holding a crack pipe!! None of us could believe it. Not only is it funny but somewhat shocking as well and also raised a couple questions.

How long was the pipe in our drain? Who put it there, I highly doubt one of the staff, but maybe one of the cleaning crew?

Oh the fun things that happen at work…you never know around here!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

? Hot or Not ?

I thought it would be fun to post pictures up of famous or even not famous people and let me know what you think regarding their hotness.

First up is Jason Mraz (I have been listening to his new cd lately):





Yes, one is a professional picture and one is a candid (he is on theright in glasses and scruff).

Here is my opinion, the man looks DAMN good all cleaned up, looks pretty adorbable all scruffy and can play the guitar and scat like....HOT!!!!

So how hot is he? One a scale of 1-10 he is looking like an 8.5 to me. I would do things to him that he couldn't even imagine. See, that is why men like him need to have a "normal" girlfriend. Laugh! Would I leave my significant other for him...that is a toughy and he would for sure have me thinking about it if I knew I had a true shot at him!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Compassion Turned To Pity...Such a Shame!

There is a blog that interests me (and no I am not going to post it/link to it, she doens't need anymore attention than she already has) that is about a girl in her 20's that is going through a hard time in her life.

At first I had compassion for this woman and let's be honest, reading her blog was like looking at a trainwreck. You didn't want to but all you could do was stare and gasp...than read on.

But now that I continue reading her blog I have come to have less compassion and more pity. I can honestly see why this woman has had so many trials in her short lived life...it is because the world doesn't revolve around you honey!

She seems to be so wrapped up in herself that it isn't even funny anymore. She thinks everything in the world is directly related to her and doesn't care how it effects other people. She thinks a simple mistake can be the end of the world and the girl is full throttle on revenge towards people that she feels that have done her wrong.

There was an instance where someone wanted to get the other side of the story from the other person that she was blogging about and the girl freaked blowing it up into something that it really wasn't. I think it erupted an all out blogging war and mud slinging from her side worse than any election year that I have ever seen. And the sad thing is that it was all one sided.

I am amazed at how small some people think this world truly is and how sad some people are. I wonder if these people ever get a reality check and a welcome to life...sometimes it sucks and sometimes it doesn't but if you don't roll with the punches it is going to kick the shit out of you welcome mat.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I've Been Tagged

Thank you Classy, Not Trashy for tagging me! Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you - done, go visit her wonderful blog
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So here it is:

~ I can't whistle. No this is not funny, I have tried to learn how to whistle and it is just something I can't do. Sigh. I am so jealous of all of you that can whistle.

~ I can't wink either. Now this is for sure a little funny because if you would see me try to wink you would die laughing. My face on the right side gets all scrunched up and it just isn't pretty. I guess this is why I am not a subtle flirter.

~ I am double jointed in my hands, elbows, knees and hips. I guess this is God's way of making up for the two mentioned above.

~ I LOVE crab ragoon. I could eat it all the time. No seriously, I can sit down and eat 10 crab ragoon.

~ I am struggling with the fact that I don't want kids and my significant other does. I am not sure who will win this battle.

~ Everyone thinks I have a super tiny waist. But it is only because I gain weight in my thighs. Try putting on a pair of jeans and not being able to get them over your thighs. I truly feel that is much more depressing than not being able to button them!

~ I am very clumsy, like running into doorframes in my own home clumsy, but I yet play and can excel at sports.

So here are my Seven:

Average20Something
WorkingGirl
ChelseaTalksSmack
JacksYurmanandBobbiBrown
ThisIsMeNow
Ontete-a-tete
AToastToShoes

Do Not Read If You Can't Handle Bodily Functions

So have you ever had that conversation with your best friend, mom or even significant other about what each other does in the bathroom?? And I don't mean go into great detail or anything but just what your opinion is on certain things?

I have had that conversation with all three of the people that I have mentioned above. And yes, you have to be close in order to throw down this line of conversation and have a true conversation regarding it without getting freaked out or disgusted.

So let's move on to what the topic really was. All of the three mentioned above actually enjoy Number 2. They enjoy the act of doing it. Which to me seems weird because I simply hate it. Way too much strain and not enough release. And I started to have this conversation with them and they each truly believe that the Number 2 is something to be truly enjoyed (well besides the obivious on that subject).

I just can never wrap my head around it. So I am thinking, hmmmm, I wonder if I am the one missing out on something and possibly doing something wrong in this situation. So than I start researching everything and now I am wondering if I have a mild form of constipation? I mean I am pretty regular but the whole straining thing is what has me. If three people very close to me enjoy this act, than darn it, why don't I?

Does anyone else have this problem???

Monday, October 6, 2008

Hey Driver, Drive These

Imagine that you have a 14 year old girl that has never truly had a father figure in her life. Now she has a father figure, a new brother, a new uncle and a lot of men around her because well, that is just the family that her mother married into, a family with a lot of guys and some very head strong women.

Well imagine you are this mother and you have been worrying about your daughter coming into womanhood. She is strutting her stuff around the guys of the family, mind you, you only married into this family less than two years ago, and let’s be honest, she is built like a brick shit house, not like your average 14 year old. Every woman is seeing how she is just craving the attention of guys, but of course the guys still think of her as a kid and don’t see anything.

So a few months pass and everything is going along hunky and dory (which one do you want to be hunky or dory). And than it happens. The mom gets on the girl’s cell phone and starts looking through it to find a picture (this is a camera phone) of her daughter’s bare breasts! GASP! How heart breaking. Of course the mom doesn’t know what to say or do so she starts into the who did you send this to, etc. This of course leads into the sex talk only to find out that her daughter has lost her “flower” two months before!!

WOW!!! That is all I can say is WOW!

Mom blames herself for having to work and not being able to be around enough while her daughter was growing up, etc. But those that all know this know what is coming next, no matter who you blame. This girl is going to be knocked up by the age of 18. I know it, YOU know it and soon everyone will know it. She is that kind of girl. The one that has already made everyone at her high school think that she maybe pregnant and doesn’t know how to get attention any other way but sex. It is really sad. She is working her body to get her attention because honestly she isn’t that pretty and she is failing two course because she is more interested in boys and sex than passing high school.

So what is a person to do in this situation? I passed on information to take everything away from her, make up, tv, phone, stereo, cute clothes, etc. until she raises her grades up to all A’s and B’s to have her focus on something else and with each report card that she brings home with all A’s and B’s than she gets one thing back at a time. She now has to work for everything. Not letting her go out anywhere, even if one is going grocery shopping, she can’t go but yet have someone home with her at all times. That sounded a little extreme to her but so does being the school whore!!

It just made me think of the girl in Talladega Nights where the little blonde raises up her shirt screaming “Hey driver, drive these “.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Chris Rock ~ When Can White People Say The "N" Word

If you have seen the the new Chris Rock special on HBO you know what I am referring to. If you haven't seen it he tells the tale that it is only okay when the are singing along to a song where the artist is using it or on Christmas Eve bewtween 4:30 - 4:59am if you get muggged at a Toys R Us going in to get your kid a toy and the mugger pisses on you.

Granted, I find Chris Rock to be VERY funny but I also find this topic to be very ironic as I am Irish. Many people may think what does you being Irish have anything to do with the "N" word.

Irish and Africans Americans had lots in common and lots of contact during this period; they lived side by side and shared work spaces. In the early years of immigration the poor Irish and blacks were thrown together, very much part of the same class competing for the same jobs. In the census of 1850, the term mulatto appears for the first time due primarily to inter-marriage between Irish and African Americans. The Irish were often referred to as "Negroes turned inside out and Negroes as smoked Irish." A famous quip of the time attributed to a black man went something like this: "My master is a great tyrant, he treats me like a common Irishman." Free blacks and Irish were viewed by the Nativists as related, somehow similar, performing the same tasks in society. And you must know that many people would chose the black person over the Irish person.

So this leads me to another part of my post. If it is so bad to say the "N" word, than is it horrible to call someone of Irish hertiage a mick? If so, than when do the Irish get their funeral to bury that word? Yes, the NAACP actually had a public burial for the "N" word.

So is it okay for me to ask for moneyfrom the United States government because my ancestors were treated like blacks? And if they were treated like blacks, than wouldn't that entitle me to some money, since some blacks continue to ask the government for money for the way their ancestors were treated.

The entire point of this post is that everyone needs to stop focusing what happened in the past and move towards the future. If Chris Rock thinks that white people shouldn't use the "N" word, than hoenstly, I don't think that another person of African descent should use it either, in any form.

Is that racist, hoenstly, I don't think so. I think it is treating it as it should be. If you want to bury that word, than bury it for all.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

100 Things About Me...Part !

So I stole this from The Average Twenty Something Blog that I read and thought it would be fun and pass some time.

Actually I think I started it and never got very far. So in order to keep this from becoming a daunting task I'm going to do this in segments, 25 at a time! Now that is a test I can get behind. If only we could make this multiple choice.
  • I am a Leo and I thrive on it
  • I adore tattoos, I have six and think I want to continue
  • I become more attached to my animals in my life than a lot of humans I meet
  • I would love to live 5 years in New York City
  • I desperatly want more commentors
  • I LOVE Chinese food. I could eat it once a day.
  • I try to look at the bright side of things but that doesn't happen most of the time.
  • I came off my anti anxiety drugs in January and I am not sure if this was the year to do it.
  • I use my hair as a canvas, always changing it up and I love having it funky.
  • I like imported cars and beers....I refuse to buy a domestic car (EVER) and only drink domestic beer on float trips.
  • I want to travel around the world.
  • Having kids doesn't appeal to me AT ALL!
  • My mom thinks I have to quit being such a wuss or I will never get through this life.
  • I have come to appreciate my significant other's mom and while that was happening I have come to grow less fond of my significant other's sister.
  • I enjoy art...creating it, looking at it, touching it. It brings something out in me.
  • I wish I was as succesful as my mom thinks I am (but I guess in her eyes she is super proud of how far i have come).
  • I wish I would enjoy sex more.
  • I am very concerned that my dog will die while I am on vacation in December which would be horrible as I don't want him to die alone.
  • I use to think I was very tall until I started playing club volleyball!!
  • I am Irish and love that fact about me but wish people would educate themselves before making Irish comments.
  • My favorite animal is the penguin.
  • I have wanted a horse since I was a little girl and hoping someday I will be able to get myself one.
  • I love white wine.
  • My relationship had a bumpy first year and I am grateful that it did because I now appreciate my mate even more.
  • I love anything that will get my heart pumping and cheat death.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Heart Failure Breaking My Heart

I have always had animals growing up. They were very loved family pets and I adored them all. The last one that I can truly remember dying or us having it put to sleep was my german shepard. I was 13. I can't remember much on how I felt when my mom told me. I probably cried.

Now I just found out that my dog has heart failure. He has fluid in his lungs. His symptoms started on Saturday and I got him into the vet today. They gave him a shot and a bunch of pills for his heart and fluid on the lungs. His heart is also enlarged. None of this sounds great to me. My vet said he isn't going to die right away but it is going to shorten his life. Everything I have been researching has all told me that he probably ony has a few months to live if that.

So now we have to make him as comfortable as possible. He gets his favorite food everyday as well as his favorite treats. He lost a half pound in the past month or so, which is a lot since he weighs under 10 pounds at a "healthy" weight.

So this is the first time that I will have to cope with the death of "my" animals. I will admit tears have already been shed. They were shed the moment the word heart failure was spoken and than even more when fluids on the lungs was mentioned.

Please say a little prayer for my tough little guy battling it out for his life. He means the world to me.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Welcome To Texting!

Let me first off say that I adore my mother. She is truly my rock, but she is also an older woman that is really starting to get a handle on on the "new" technology, i.e. texting.

The first time she texted was about a couple days ago and she asked me how to do it so I sat down and showed her. I had to be very patient because as with everyone, the first time using something is usually the most difficult. She caught on pretty well though figuring out that she has to hit a button several times in order to get different letters since she is lacking a full keyboard.

It is now a few days later and the woman is a texting machine. I know it takes her longer than it does me but that is what always makes me smile when I get a long text from her. She put enough thought and determination into that though she just had to pound it out right there at that moment and share it with someone.

I am just waiting for THIS day!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Thank You For Clearing The Waters

I am getting ready to make a choice, but, I'm a little confused.Let me see if I have this straight.....



If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're exotic, different."

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.


If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.



Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.

Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.



If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.

If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.



If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.



If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.



If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.

If your husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.


Monday, September 22, 2008

Seriously...You Are Family.

I have never in my life even heard of something like this. It astounded me to a point that I couldn't believe.

I was speaking with someone that is very dear with me and they were telling me about a situation. This "family" is suppose to be close and great, you get the point. But everytime they are cutting one another down, throwing insults out there and are just straight up being bitches, although I do think that word is a compliment for them because at least a male dog wants to mate with a female dog. These women are beyong bitches!

Let's call this woman the "mother hen" for the purpose of this blog entry. She holds the "top" woman status in the family. Mother Hen decides to pick on a baby chick (think a woman in her very early 20's and is really starting her life off on the right off, college degree, etc.). Mother HEn starts telling people that baby chick is sleeping with her boss! I kid you not....knowing baby chick, I about fell off my chair in shock because she would never do anything like that....EVER!

So what baffles me is that Mother Hen probably thinks that there is nothing wrong in what she said or probably nothing offensive. And this is how the family works, they insult one another to the point where they don't speak to one another instead of truly standing up to one another. It is sad but I am way too close to it and now find it somewhat comical because I have seen it WAY too many times.

So whatever family life you think you may have, trust me, it can always be worse!!


Friday, September 19, 2008

Why??

Why am I writing this blog without letting you know who I am. The answer is simple. I do it so I can speak my mind freely and express everything I feel without having to apologize to anyone or worry about hurting thier feelings.

There is very little you will find out about me personally through this blog. I will share my thoughts, ideas, stories, mishaps, etc. through this blog.

Don't bother asking who I am because I will never tell. I could be your dad, sister, mother, brother, or even your lover!

That is the beautiful thing about being anonymous!