I Just Joined

the group I Take My Camera Everywhere within the 20Something Bloggers forum. I think I am going to have to start posting some pictures to my blog on places where I take my camera. I think it will be fun for my readers to see where I go and what I do, but no worrise, I won't give too much about me.

100 Things About Me Part 3

Here is your second installment.

• I am still in mourning over the loss of my beloved dog.
• I never knew that a dog would have this much effect on my life.
• I am giving donations at the holiday in memory of my dog.
• I don't feel secure in my present job.
• I have never gotten over my first love.
• I don't think my brother and I will ever get along like my mom wants us to.
• I think my family will fall apart once my mom passes.
• I am buying a pre-lit mini Christmas tree to put on my dog's grave this year.
• I am scared that with the economy, our house may get broken into while we are on vacation this year.
• I am kind of sad that this year will be the last year that my mom gives me a big Christmas, but totally understand why.
• I will hopefully start on my back piece (tattoo) by the end of next year.
• My mom talked me into getting a back piece instead of the oroginal large tattoo I wanted (granted it was large but no back piece).
• That will make 8 tattoos.
• I am a mere 16 pounds away from my goal weight!
• I took out a HUGE life insurance policy significant other.
• I am tired trying to save money while my significant other refuses to balance a check book!
• I love pop music.
• I plan on canceling my gym membership.
• I would be living in Hawaii right now if I didn't have a mortgage here.
• People think I am harsh, but in reality they have no idea.
• I am planning a trip for my significant other's birthday so we don't have to travel to see s.o.'s parents.
• I don't think my significant other treats their dog right.
• I have acne and actually go to a dermatologist for it.
• After a year of acne treatment that has failed, I just wish they would put me on Accutane.
• I daydream a lot!!!!!
  

Fall In Love For All The Right Reasons

With all of my dilemmas in my love life I am somewhat grateful that I am not in the situation of a dear friend of mine. But I also somewhat envy her as well.

My friend is in her late 20s – early 30s and is single. She is an amazing person but has never been able to find a person worth having a standing relationship with. She is very smart, has a career that she is doing more with everyday, owns her own house and drives a car that is fully paid off. Not to mention that she is pretty, fun, witty, soulful and just has a good soul.

The men she has been attracted to are clearly not the men for her. They are either idiots that can’t realize what they have in front of them, morons that just want to sleep with every woman in the city or just plain being stupid.

So after a long conversation from what stemmed from a man that she had a crush on finally introduced her to his “exclusive” girlfriend (this man told my friend that he never dated women exclusively). She was thinking of trying Match.com or the Yahoo personals one more time. I suggested eHarmony. For some reason I am drawn to how they pair people up. It is much more than just a picture. Trust me, I have dated a few men off of Match.com and has some great dates and had some awful dates because that person and I had nothing in common with one another. A lot of awkward pauses, uncomfortable dinners and of course no second date.

I was always wondering why I went to such a place as Match.com. Why choose a man based solely on his looks? It is somewhat comical though now that I look back on it. There was always those guys that showed up that really didn’t look like their picture (the date was pretty much over for me right than and there as I consider that false advertising). There were the ones that I formed friendships with instead of relationships but than wanted to be “fuck buddies”. Ummm, no, that is why you are a friend, because I don’t want to sleep with you because sleeping with you would complicate things. Than there are the ones that you date. Your go out and have a great time with and than one day just realize that something isn’t right or it isn’t going to work out for some reason.

I had two of those from Match.com. I ended one and the guy ended the other. The one I ended, he was the perfect Southern gentleman. He was originally from Memphis, went to school in Florida, his mom owned a horse farm in Kentucky and he was a senior engineer at a very reputable company. What went wrong? He would talk to me, about me, in the third person and after a mere 6 weeks of dating he told me he loved me. I couldn’t deal with that with coming off a 3 year relationship just a couple months earlier. I was out there to get my feet wet and get back into the game, not have the first guy I really dated afterwards fall in love with me. My second one was WOW! That is the best word that I can figure out to describe him. Very handsome, metro sexual, loved to have a great time, was always the life of the party, dressed well, was an athlete. The thing that damn near made my heart jump out of my chest one day is when he locked us out of his condo and he figured out that his sliding glass door was unlocked. I asked him how the hell we were going to get up there because it was on the second floor. He took two steps (not running) jumped, grabbed the balcony with one hand and pulled himself up. Yep, do anything to me after I saw that! Turns out that he wanted a trophy wife and I had too many opinions about everything for that to work out.

So before I get too off the subject, I guided my friend to eHarmony. She told me that the commercials always freaked her out but I talked her into trying it anyway. After all, this isn’t based on looks but things that you both have in common and you will find things to talk about. I think that was the thing that sealed the deal because this woman loves great conversation.

After signing up and going through everything that she had to go through, she already has 5 people who want to further communicate with her! I am so excited for her. Hopefully she will meet these people and really start expanding her circle. Isn’t that is what it is all about?

So in a way, I wouldn’t want to have to be out back on the dating scene again. Honestly, I was never that good at it and I let my emotions control me. I had given up on dating and was very comfortable with being single for a long time when I met my significant other. But I do envy her as well. The excitement of meeting new people and finding out what you have in common with them and on that very special occasion having a spark between the two of you, even if it is just temporary. Because in life, isn’t everything?

? Hot or Not?

Here is one for everyone because I truly believe everyone does have an opinion on this lady.

BRITNEY SPEARS

As she became a woman, she had a total breakdown and I think it all started with K-Fed. Personally, I think if she would have stuck with Justin Timberlake, they could have ruled the world.

So did she go too far off the deep in to say that she is hot because we all know how crazy she can really be or is she truly making a come back?

Growing Up In A Family Without A Family?

So many people have done this. They grow up in a family without an actual family. Are you confused on what I speak of, than you are one of the lucky ones. If you know exactly what I mean, than you are like me.

I grew up in a family. I have two older brothers, one older sister, a mom and a dad. My siblings are much older than myself so there was no true bond like some have. Don’t get me wrong, they loved me but something was just lacking, and honestly, it has only gotten worse since I have gotten older.

My mother and I are super close. I am very thankful for that. She is my rock that is able to guide me through life in the direction that I want to go. I have always had her support with no matter what I do. I consider her a mother first of all and also my best friend. I have to say I am very lucky with that.

My father was sick as I was growing up. I don’t remember much of him but I am told I was his little girl and that he adored me. What I do remember of him, I do believe that statement is true.

Now you maybe asking yourself, why does she feel like she doesn’t have a family because she clearly has stated that she does have one. If you read closely, the only thing I have stated is that I am close to my mother.

My siblings and I rarely speak. I chose a very different life than they did and I truly feel that they are jealous with that I have done with my life and what I have seen in my life. Does that seem silly, maybe. I have one brother who is on his fourth marriage and has basically nothing to show for his life (yes, I am speaking of material things). I find him to be very selfish and it is all about him all the time. I have seen him suck my mother dry of a lot of money and for that I resent him for it. A lot of things bother me about him simply because he has no respect for anything but himself. My other brother is very close to being institutionalized. Honestly, I think he would prefer to be. I am told that something was “different” about him from the beginning and that he couldn’t help it. I know he could have helped himself by not falling into heavy drugs as bad as he did and now just hardly having he will to get out of bed in the morning. He has been given the world and in my personal opinion has pissed it away. Sure, he may be bi-polar or a manic depressive but there are other people in the world that are able to cope and function while suffering from those. It is just that they want to be helped and want to make a contribution towards making something out of their life. And than there is my sister. She isn’t even worth discussing. Let’s just say that she did a lot of wrong things while my father was dying and took a lot of money from my mom and dad in that time and that is just that. Honestly, if I never talked to her again, I would be 100% happy.

After my mother passes away, my “family” is going to fall apart. I highly doubt that I will talk to my brothers and I know I won’t talk to my sister. There is nothing left. I am wondering if we are too different to be family. My mother tells me that she raised me differently that she raised the others. She recently told me she expected too much from my brothers and the fell way short and must not have expected enough of me because I shot way past what she thought I would.

It is a very weird feeling to grow up in a family that you know there is only one thing half ass holding it together and once that is gone, there will be nothing. I am not sure how I feel about that. Some days I am relieved on others I know I missed out by not having the family that so many others have.

But I do know one thing, I don’t think I am the only person out there with this dilemma.

What If...

I have not been a good blogger lately and I promise that will change, although I will still manage to take off the weekends.

Lately I have been thinking about the one I loved and lost. I know what a horrible thing to sit and dwell on. They are gone, you have moved on and that is that. But in reality is that, that?

I often find myself wondering what would have been. Who I would I be if things would have gone differently. What if I would have made the decision to move to another country leaving behind everything I have ever known at a young age?

I look back on the situation and wish I could do it all over again. I never wanted to be a person to look back on my life and say “what if”, but I am not even in my 30’s and I am having a HUGE what if.

What if I would have become an Officer’s spouse before the age of 21? So many people would have said it would have never worked. But I think they are so wrong simply because the flame that still burns within my heart for the Officer.

Was I attracted to his uniform like so many other “girls” that age? The answer to that question is HELL NO! I know what comes along with that uniform, especially one that is in Special Forces. A lot of moving, a lot of them not being there and a lot of worrying if they have made it through the nite in a war torn country. Even without me having my Officer, I have had two of the three emotions since we have parted ways romantically. That is for a total of 10 years that has to account for something doesn’t it?

With all of this being said, I am sure some of you will question what about my significant other. What about that person? Will I ever love that person like I have loved the one I speak of above, I HIGHLY doubt it. I knew that a long time ago, I am just now able to admit it. Does that mean I don’t love my significant other? No, I do love that person, just not in a love of my life kind of love. Is that heartbreaking? To you, possibly…to me it is life.

Does this mean that I am denying my significant other the love of their life? Now that is the real question. I think I maybe that person and it is sad that I can’t give it back to that person and love them with the passion that I have loved before, but what is one to truly do about that situation? Do I deny my feelings that I have for the Officer and push them deep down inside of me only to make me resent my significant other? It is a topic to tread lightly on.

The few “what ifs” I have covered here in this blog doesn’t even begin to start my “what ifs” on this topic. It very much makes me sad knowing that I gave up something that I feel so strongly about.

Hope to Have Your Thoughts...

It is a sign of the times. My signifanct other came home the other day and they had been laid off from thier job! Eeeekkkkk.

Fears starting rolling through my head in regards to the bills, the mortgage, our vacation that is coming up very soon. All I can say is thank goodness for unemployment.

It is a very scary time to have half of a double income family laid off. We are lucky though, that I have a secure (for it seems to be at the moment) job.

We are hoping that a job will come along by mid next month. Until than it is minimum payments on the credit cards, shopping at discount grocery stores such as Aldis and really thinking about a purchase before making it.

Ugh...thank you Mr. President....you can kiss my ass!!!

Hot or Not

That is right, this week's ?Hot or Not? is for the fellas out there and of course the women that are confident enough to say if another woman is hot.

So what do you think about the rocker P!nk??



















With her amazing abs and rocker image, do you find her hot or would you rather see her soften her image up a bit??











































She has made a name for herself with her in your face lyrics and attitude and suffering from the pending divorce from her husband Corey Hart she isn't letting up on what has worked for her before, being just as in your face as she has always been.

For me she is a 8. She is an very unconventional hot. She has a body built like a brick shit house and even more respect because she works her butt off to keep it that way.

Have You Touched A Stranger's Life Today??

Thanks to this blog I had a total stranger reach out to me in a time of need. I have to say that I was not expecting that in the least bit when I started this blog.

In the past two months I have had two strangers go out of thier way for me. One was to compliment me and the other was to give a shoulder to lean on in a time of need. What a lucky person I am.

I can say that usually when a stranger meets my eye or looks at mein passing, I smile or say hello. I believe it is the polite thing to do, as we are all people and need to be acknowledged.

One of the many reasons that I fell in love with New York City is because of a stranger. I was sitting at a pizza resturant on the east side of Manhattan. It was the kind where the store front is fully open and any Midwest family has a garage three times it size. I was waiting on a few friends and my signifanct other at the time. A stranger walked past me (as do millions each day in that city) and turns right around in his tracks, comes over to me and says "You are way too beautiful not to have a smile on your face." Of course, that made me smile right away and he just turned and walked away from me before I could say anything. Not only did that person make my day, it has stuck with me for years.

So, what have you done for a stanger today?

Watch As History Is Made

There is no way to peace; peace is the way

Lately I have been battling a few thing with myself and I am a huge one on having peace within my life. Just to bring it back around to me, I thought I would post some of my favorite quotes by some amazing people. Take it for what it is and maybe, just maybe, you will find your peace today within.

There is no way to peace; peace is the way. ~ A.J. Muste

I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with. ~ Jack Handey

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children. ~ Jimmy Carter

If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies. ~ Moshe Dayan

The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Peace does not rest in the charters and covenants alone. It lies in the hearts and minds of all people. So let us not rest all our hopes on parchment and on paper, let us strive to build peace, a desire for peace, a willingness to work for peace in the hearts and minds of all of our people. I believe that we can. I believe the problems of human destiny are not beyond the reach of human beings. ~ John F. Kennedy

Peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. It demands greater heroism than war. It demands greater fidelity to the truth and a much more perfect purity of conscience. ~ Thomas Merton

Peace is not merely an absence of war. It is also a state of mind. Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people. ~ Jawaharlal Nehru

It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Until he extends the circle of compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace. ~ Albert Schweitzer

Let this be on your mind, not only today (election day) but everyday that you awake to find ourself living the life that you choose to live. Has any of these quotes struck a chord with you?

All we are saying is give peace a chance. ~ John Lennon

Closure....

I picked out the memorial stone of my beloved dog that passed away a little over a week ago. Now all I have to do is find a picture to get lasered engraved onto it.

My mother first couldn't wrap her head around why I needed this for my dog. I told her that in his last month of his life I spend more on vet visits, x-rays and meds for him than what this stone will cost me and that I gave him the best in life, so why not give him the best in death. She than understood. This was my last gift and duty to my dog that I had for 7 years.

My mom is an amazing writer (I have no idea why that trait skipped me) and she helped and gave me the best closure that I could ask for. She wrote a poem to be engraved on his memorial stone.

The sun just doesn't seem to shine so bright. We have no little dog to kiss goodnight. A big chunk of our heart is gone, I know that we will carry on. God gave you to us for awhile, thoughts of you will always make us smile. Your body is no longer here, we can feel your sprit near. The thoughts of you always bring us joy. You are our little puppy boy.

Corny to some but it sums it up perfectly for me.